Contradictory messages

I suspect we all send out contradictory messages all the time. A lot of the time we wind up doing things we never wanted to do because people detected "maybe," instead of a clear and emphatic "no!"

I wonder, however, how many people do this inadvertently in business, and have no idea why their message isn't being received clearly. Here's an example that had me shaking my head. As I was driving the other day, the car in front of me had an ad for a nationally known cosmetics company on the back windshield. On the opposite side of the glass was a skull and crossbones! Hmmm! Would you let this woman sell you make-up? Maybe, if I were a biker chick.

What about the woman who wears low-cut dresses to the office and is shocked when a male co-worker hits on her? Or, as happened just the other day, a woman files a sexual harassment claim against the CEO of a major electronics company and then claims to be "surprised and saddened" when he's fired?

Maybe the whole contradictory message thing gets ingrained in us early. Some of us probably feigned a stomach ache to get out of a test at school way back when, only to be startled when a parent insisted on a visit to the doctor. And the same parent who dragged us little schemers off to see the doctor also taught us to tell the little "white lie" in certain social situations to avoid hurt feelings.

So, as adults we say of course we understand, when really we don't as someone bails on us. We say we're terrific, when our lives are crumbling around us, then wonder why people can't see how miserable we really are.

Bottom line, I suppose, is that we could all use better communication skills. Some contradictory messages or little white lies probably don't matter a bit in the larger scheme of things. But others can create havoc. Hopefully before we utter that little social fib -- or paste stickers on the back of our cars -- we'll take just one second to think about what we're really saying. In this day of instant circulation on the Internet, those casual words can haunt us forever.